Going On The Account: Following A Trend, or The Dirty Dozen

News spread quickly since the end of July about Reddit’s two sentence tales of terror.

 

Hey, I’m all into short fiction and all, but this was a bit of a shock.  It was like going from a thirty second ad to a BlipVert.

(Kids, ask your parents…)

 

But, once you get used to the idea, it actually looks like it might be fun to try.  And so, I present here, my own efforts.

 

Which, because of branding issues and my natural inclinations, fit well with the themes and tropes of my other two longer works

 

I:

John always dreamed about someday meeting pirates.  Right up to the day his ship was boarded…

 

II:

Stephen learned that no, pirates do not make you walk the plank.  He’d rather not have learned about the alternative, keel hauling, first hand in the process…

 

III:

Henry never knew what “blow the man down” really meant.  It made perfect sense in those last minutes in an alley in Tortuga…

 

IV:

Elysse didn’t know why the other working girls in Port Royale refused business from pirates with hook hands.  When she found out why, she could never show her face in the light again…

 

V:

He stopped feeling anything when they poured the hot tar over his body.  It made the next two years in the gibbet waiting to die maddening …

 

VI:

Edward Teach got away with it, and it made him a legend.  I keep telling myself that as my flaming beard continues to burn my face off…

 

VII:

Samuel thought his Letter of Marque from the King of Spain would excuse his actions at sea.  Unfortunately, the Inquisition did not recognize the King’s authority…

 

VIII:

Henryk wondered what the difference was between grape shot and chain shot.  He found out first hand as the blood of the rest of his crew spattered his face when they were under fire from both…

 

IX:

Mary heard the captain of her ship explain the sailing term “in irons” and thought this was a good description of trying to sail into the wind.  It was her last thought right before the pirates chasing her opened fire, knocked her cold, and introduced her to the other use of the phrase…

 

X:

Miles tried to hide his constant need for rum amidst a crew of teetotalers on the account.  Why they were all sick as dogs and hung over during his benders, he could not explain…

 

XI:

The Spanish fleet that surprised them had fifty galleons, each with over eighty guns apiece ready to fire on them.  The crew of the Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser had no time to consider why before the engagement…

 

XII:

When she died and went to Heaven, she was handed a cutlass and an eye patch.  God told her, “Didn’t you know Mark Twain had the right answer all along?”…

 

 

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Filed under Fiction, Pirates, Writing

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