James Ryan

Recently, this meme popped up again amidst the socials landscape:

Now, there are plenty of reasons for sticking with redoing great movies. It makes sense on the business end to offer known quantities to insure that the fan base comes around when the film opens. From a further business perspective, making a film that you can establish the title of rights to up front can prevent folks from coming out of the weeds to claim a copyright violation. Even the most outlandish claims with no basis in fact can pose a potential distraction as litigation is handled; even worse are the steps that need to be taken when it ends up there was IP theft…

But the fact that the meme above keeps floating around out there like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is hard to dismiss as the practice continues. Every time there’s a new remake, or there’s a sequel to the remake that turns za remake stand-alone into a franchise, it’s hard not to feel like no one out there cares to try out new ideas. The less charitable might claim that the industry is showing unbelievable cowardice, which is never a good tact for any artist/creator to take.

As the meme suggests, though, there is another way: Finding films that could use a revisit that people with more time and resources might do better the next time around. Most folks would agree that this is ideal, but then fail to follow-through with a few suggestions. It seems no one wants to put forward films that could fit the bill.

Well-l-l-l, actually…

Over the last few years, through one column over two publications, there have been more than a few films discussed there that really could have their reputations saved by getting a chance at a re-do. The films below ain’t exactly The Black List, but with a little love and care (and necessary due diligence to prove that yes, you do have the right to them), these might be worth investing in…

Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter

Hammer’s effort at building their own franchise around a hero may have been too many years ahead of its time. (When it came out in 1974, Joss Whedon was only ten years old.) The time for a swaggering master swordsman in 19^th Century Europe wielding a katana against any creature that lives off the blood/age/beauty/wit/what-have-you of others may be now, especially if done with someone who’s really into swashbuckling adventures.

Crucible of Terror

The basic premise lost in the original film, about obsession ultimately having its comeuppance, may have an even more receptive audience post-#MeToo. And with the number of good VFX houses out there to sign up, the entire angle involving possession and revenge could be done in a much more satisfying manner…

Dragonwyck

A good costume drama that speaks to our current class inequity could easily find a rabid modern audience. And in the new version, we could flesh out the plot point involving the upstate New York tenant revolt that the first film touched on, for anyone who wants to add more action to the film.

The Frozen Dead

It was badly done the first time, but has lots of elements to make it relevant now: Frozen Nazis! Plots to bring back fascism! (“Make Fascism Great Again,” anyone…?) Unethical cloning experiments! Private sector medical trials gone awry! Maybe we can leave out the telepathy, but if someone out there figures out a good angle, sure!

The Fury

Back when the film came out in 1978, there were folks convinced there had to have been a government conspiracy to use science that the ‘Mainstream Media’ wasn’t touching. In today’s QAnon-stained world, the audience is practically guaranteed once they read the film’s tagline on Rotten Tomatoes.

God Told Me To

There’s the impression out there that New York is still dangerous like it was in the 1970s (I swear, it isn’t; there’s even data to support that…), so weird happenings and mid-control-committed crime can still bring up the eyeballs. And if you’re not comfortable bringing the film up-to-date, make this a period piece set back in the 1970s. (When people ask me to describe the esthetic in Joker, I usually reply, “flashbacks to middle school,” and we all remember how well that film did…).

The Gorgon

The term “wrong place, wrong time,” certainly describes how this became such a mess. Stay out of gothic-enshrouded Germany and give us a real gorgon in a place that doesn’t have a conflicting vibe to run around in. I hear the modern-day Hamptons has a great gallery scene…

Hoppity Goes to Town

This doesn’t have to be a shot-for-shot remake; just give us an animated film where bugs that we can relate to show us how bad late sage capitalism and gentrification are, and we’re good to go…

The Land That Time Forgot

It’s been way too long since we got a lost worlds film, and Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Caspak books are just sitting there, waiting for another film maker to take a crack at it. Literally just sitting there; the writings that inspired the first film were published in 1918, making the works in the public domain. And dinosaurs have never really gone out of style, so how could anyone lose with this?

The Magic Christian

The time’s come around again for this one. There are so many influencers taking the “silly-thing-to-do challenge” online, regularly, that having someone with the resources fooling the world into doing degrading things is inevitable. And as there were two documentaries about the Fyre Festival that both did well, the audience is clearly there.

Martin

Ever notice how, as of late, most of the vampires we get can do things like receive invites to Davos every year, or even get a good table at Spago without a reservation, in addition to all of their other extraordinary powers? It’s been too long since we’ve seen a blue-collar vampire, let alone one that may or may not actually be a vampire. And the atmosphere of a community going through economic hard times like those in the film can sadly be found today in plenty of such places.

Mill of the Stone Women

So: You took a stab at adapting Crucible of Terror, and ran into difficulties making it gel. Well, this film covers a lot of the same ground, but comes with plenty of guardrails to keep the project on track. Building your work on the suffering of others a la Harvey Weinstein is a theme that will always make a good starting point for the film, and a work in just about any media can fill in for a wind-powered carnival attraction.

The Monitors

If ever there was a time when we needed a story about aliens who take over and force us to behave ourselves, then damn, that’s now. If anything, the ~~visitors~~ hall monitors from another world might be more sympathetic to us than they were in 1969.

The Monster That Challenged the World

Creatures reawakened thanks to our carelessness may not be anything new, but doing with monsters you can actually punch, that hasn’t happened in a while. If anything, there could be a direct sequel to the original, where we discover years later that some of the original monsters were saving us from something worse, something that the death of the Salton Sea is allowing to thrive…

Night Life of the Gods

Think Percy Jackson meets The Hangover. This mad romp with magic rings giving us deos a statua and its opposite offers a wide array of hijinks, thanks to bad behavior and poor choices. Obviously not a movie to bring the family to, though the kids could probably find the best bits on YouTube a few days after the film gets released…

The Reptile

Films about the legacy of colonialism could easily find a new audience today. If this were to get an active remake, though, it would benefit a lot from our understanding and sensitivity being better than it was back then (hopefully…), which means a shift in the tone of the film. If fact, seeing how Bollywood could remake this would be interesting…

Telefon

Back then, we had sleeper agents being brought online by reading poetry over the phone. Today, we can get them back online through messaging via social platforms. And with the recent efforts to draft legislation to ban TikTok, there’s definitely an audience that’d be receptive to this.

Vampire Circus

How many films are there where the vampire sets up a revenge plot in the event of the end of their un-life? It’s an underused concept where legacy is as important as all the other elements of the story. And if you can’t see putting a circus on screen, there’s the option of adapting this to having a tribute band, honoring the original act from the 60s or 70s that the slain vampire had been the front man for, coming back into town to get the last bite in…

The Velvet Vampire

We’ve gotten endless vampire films that follow the same track, a vampire that’s male going after a woman who’s the love interest of the hero. The closest we’ve gotten to following this one’s plot is The Hunger, and since then, nearly zilch. A new version of this with a few more things the original didn’t have, like practiced actors in the roles, would be a refreshing change.

As Fantasia Obscura continues on at Forces of Geek, we’re likely to find a few more to consider. Who knows, as we go on finding them, someone might actually try and give these a shot.

It wouldn’t hurt to try something “new” next time, no…?