Going on the Account: Sighting a New Heading That-A-Way…

Annalee Newitz over at io9.com has just shared and invited others to use ten ways to make a better Peter Pan reboot.

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She of course had me with the first one, about Tiger Lily the Amish ninja.  It’s early enough in the current work that I can do some re-writes further into the piece for an inclusion; after all, the Amish Trail in New York State ain’t that far from Buffalo…

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For that matter, there’s a lot in the article about making a very pirate-centric rethought Peter Pan.  Hook as a modern day pirate offering bootlegs; having the dashing Hook save poor Wendy from the obnoxious man-child; giving Hook a submarine-

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-OK admittedly the submarine might confuse some folks expecting James Hook and getting an entirely different bloke

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Why, you may ask, is she giving away these ideas about doing a reboot right after SyFy just did their version of the tale?

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Did you actually  see  the new version…?

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Yeah, there’s a lot you can say about it, like that there was fifty minutes of reimagined origin drawn in a thin coat over four hours, but for the sake of our focus in this domain let’s concentrate on the character of Captain Elizabeth Bonny.  Who, admittedly, was something of a draw for me early on…

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Caveat emptor.   Admittedly, as the person who makes James Hook realize his full potential before handing over the crew (complete with a well-worn Smee to boot…) before bowing out, she didn’t have much expected of her, but what time she was there wasn’t used to the best.

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The big problem was that she tended to trade favors with the crew for their loyalty, which would have badly undermined her in the long run.  And considering that she proclaims that they’d been plying the Sweet Trade in Neverland for 200 years and she was still making invitations to her cabin, I’m surprised the crew didn’t parley and make her crock bait at least 150 years ago…

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And since we’re on the subject:  Does anyone working in entertainment today realize that pirate crews were not led then by captains who could get away with whatever they wanted?  Unless she had iron-clad ship’s articles that kept her in that position forever (wipe that dirty smirk off your face, you!), she’d be facing an angry crew ready to switch to a new leader quickly, and even with such articles there’s always the possibility of mutiny.  We saw some of this over the summer too; why can’t we get intelligent folks who know something about pirates writing this stuff, eh?

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And speaking of showing intelligence, the one moment Captain Bonny gets to show her wits, it’s ruined by a piece of obvious logic:  She shows Hook the stars, and the constellation of Orion being in the wrong place, which means she can tell they’re not on Earth anymore.

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Unfortunately, if she wasn’t on Earth, the whole constellation would not be visible.  A star or two in the sky she could recognize in the wrong place, fine; the entire pattern viewable from another world even 20 light years away, no.

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So yes, she knows her starts like any good navigator.  I’d rather be lost at sea with her than the folks that wrote that painful piece of dialog…

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Still, a pirate-heavy retelling of the tale with Hook as the main protagonist would be an interesting version of the tale.  Make Wendy his second, and we’d really have something, then…

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Oh Hell, let’s just assume Tiger Lily garroted Hook with her hand-made simple and plain kusarigama and takes over the Jolly Roger, and then let it ride from there…

 

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Filed under Fiction, Pirates, Writing

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